Right now my life consists of nothing but free time. I have internet access again which means I'll hopefully be writing more. My life completely changed in one day, on my 25th birthday 3 days ago. I now live somewhere different and have a lot less belongings. My future is completely open. I am savoring the freedom and even the loneliness. I am back where I used to live with friends I love, re-evaluating life and where I want it to take me. This is a pause; a hiatus.
I am certain of a few things. Spending time with loved ones is absolutely necessary, I am still in route(however slow) to Northern California, and I want to travel before I settle down, sign a lease, or figure out any type of permanent life path. These are my ultimate truths of the moment.
It feels good to be able to know that I can do whatever I want and don't have to consult someone else or worry about their reaction to my decisions or feelings. Clinging out of fear is no way to live, and being alone is not a bad thing. Although I see traces of my tendencies to bury any uncomfortable emotions in drugs or distraction, I'm not afraid that I will succumb to those urges. All they are is residue of old habits, and they are not even a large percent of me anymore. I am not living a lie every day which makes me feel less addicted to everything. I'm not trying to fill a void or ignore feelings. I can just breathe and live and know that where I am(in this body, this apartment, this phase) is temporary, and everything is possible.