Tuesday, December 9, 2014

I start these things never knowing how I am going to possibly describe what's in my head but here is my attempt at the description of an indescribable night. My friends and I were on our way to a little mini festival out in rural Nebraska. The rolling hills stretched around us, the weather was fucking perfect, the ideal Midwestern autumn. I took in everything around me as fully as I could, knowing I'd be leaving this part of the country very soon.

My 3 male friends all put tabs of acid on their tongue in the car on the way there, one of them even opted for 2. Being someone who enjoys being around tripping people as much as or more than tripping myself, I started getting excited to experience what their moods would be. We all passed around a giant mason jar of rum spiked coffee.

We got to the campsite and set up our tent and started drinking some beers. We set up a couple extra tents for our friends who would be joining us. It was late afternoon and the sun was golden and beautiful. We set up lawn chairs and all sat around talking and laughing with each other. We did some yoga.
My ex boyfriend showed up with his girlfriend and a couple other people. That had been a semi-awkward dynamic because her and I got along really well but he was uncomfortable with us being friends, so her and I didn't talk much at the beginning of the night, but as we all got more inebriated this changed. The very few times I've ever been around this woman I have been in awe of her in so many different ways. She is so intelligent, beautiful, talented as hell musically, and just all around awesome. I got a chance to get to know her better that night and even hear her sing some opera, and I'm very grateful for that. There was amazing music that night which included a funk band and a duo comprised of a drummer and a piano player that was surprisingly complex and lovely, but I spent a very small amount of time in the stage area and more time wandering around the farm and talking with my friends.

At one point me and 4 or 5 other friends were laying in a field talking about anal sex. I really enjoy asking people extremely personal questions, because how they respond tells a lot about them, not necessarily the specifics of their responses but the attitude in which they answer. Not surprisingly, all the people I was with answered frankly and without shame and we had a great conversation. Walking back to the campfire my ex's girlfriend I started talking about my ex and her current, and he happened to walk up to us at that very moment, pull me aside, and ask me to please stop paying so much attention to her because it was making him uncomfortable. This was one of those moments where I was extremely frustrated by the paradigm of what couples are and the unnecessary insecurity it tends to create, but I also felt really bad because I value his friendship a lot and didn't want him to feel bad.

He and I ended up talking it out and it was fine, and we proceeded to go listen to the music. It was about 1 or 2 in the morning and one of my friends asked me if I'd like to partake in some mushroom tea. This was a crazy idea since it was already late and I was already pretty fucked up but I decided why the hell not?
So my friend proceeded to prepare the mushroom tea as we sat in our lawn chairs around the little stove and bowl he had set up. The moonlight was so bright and it felt very ceremonial as we passed the metal bowl around and drank the tea.  A little later the music was all done and we sat around the giant campfire. The mushrooms started kicking in and people around me that I didn't know seemed a little eerie, but I had my best friend there and also a new friend who had hung with us that night who I was really coming to appreciate. I got to know him pretty well in front of that fire, and could see his open and cheerful spirit very clearly as we talked about various things and people and situations.

Reality got weird and the people around the campfire came and went and I was sitting many different places around the fire throughout the night but towards the end of the night I ended up sitting with a smaller group of people passing around a guitar, and they started playing Phish songs. I didn't know any of them but I felt amazing kinship through the music. I felt extremely grateful that I had been introduced to the amazingness that is Phish previously and could share a bond with complete strangers over it.

There was a moment when an old acquaintance of mine who I used to play music with walked up with his girlfriend and sat down next to me. I moved closer to share their blanket and ended up sitting pretty close to him. He put his hand on my knee and his girlfriend sat right there smiling and we all sang Phish songs. This was an immensely beautiful moment because it embodied my personal philosophy of love in its pure form.

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