Sunday, February 15, 2015


I'm contemplating human interaction today, both physical and digital. I have a European friend that I have been corresponding with for years who has been shaking up my perspective a lot lately. His words resonate deep within my being and we have never even met or spoken with actual voices. We are very opposite in a lot of ways, so I learn a lot from our interactions.

I am so thankful for the internet and the connections it has brought me, and how much it's changed my life in such crazy ways.

-One friend I met online has made me laugh and smile about my most shameful secrets.
-Another friend gave me a magical medicine that inspired me to leave soul crushing living circumstances.
-Another one is the adventure partner I've always hoped for.

I have gotten sad more than once about being far apart from all of these people but that is part of the beauty of it for a few different reasons.

I'm also contemplating short tempers today, since I watched a co-worker get into multiple verbal confrontations with customers last night. It was embarrassing to be behind the same desk as him, but I enjoyed being able to be the calm balance to his insanity and see that the people appreciated my calmness.
I was stressed out for a bit afterwards, and the night was chaos, full of complaints about the quality of the hotel (which I could only agree with), and complaints about my co-worker, who ditched the shift 4 hours early and left me with a full 166 room hotel.

Later on I had a man call and talk to me and call me a kindred spirit, and I had a woman call and tell me my patience and kindness made all the difference in the world to her when I helped her the day before. I live for these genuine moments, and they are especially beautiful when they happen somewhere where it's common not to breach any personal territory or show someone something real.

It is amazing how many variations the human form, attitude, personality, and psyche have, and it fascinates me to no end.

Learning how to manage and direct your emotions is the highest form of art, and the most worthwhile pursuit you can undertake. My attitude determines whether I am doing everything as though it is a heavy burden on me, or with lighthearted ease. It is resistance versus flow. I haven't quite figured out how to vibrate myself into the high plane of existence where everything flows at will, it seems to mostly happen spontaneously, but I am there now, and I will enjoy it and I won't cling.

I'm also thinking about gossip and rumors and contagious moods, how temporary our day to day existence is, how it changes without warning and how the mind never fails to expect it to stay the same. It's like a subconscious expectation you have that the people you see, you will continue to see, and your typical day at work will be the archetype for your future days at work. Does everyone have this subconscious belief or is it just me?

Life gets overwhelming for moments at a time lately, and sometimes I feel like I am undergoing tests as to what I can withstand and how many different circumstances I can find peace within. I'm immersed in worldly things and this culture and society, and am struggling a bit lately with the usual things, nicotine and alcohol, but I'm worlds ahead of where I used to be, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job at not beating myself up over it. I know I'll figure it out.

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