Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I am a chameleon masquerading in the corporate world,
navigating through guest service systems while dreaming of mossy trees,

I am immersed in a concrete jungle, criss-crossing highways,
lights glowing ruby, emerald, amber adorned with neon signs
while desiring only the simple moon's glow.

I speak with countless people per day when all I really need
is one interaction that scratches below the surface

I'd like some instrumental accompaniment and vocal harmony,
but my lone guitar keeps me company, and my own voice soothes me.
and while I'd enjoy some physical contact, my own psyche holds me.

I've been conditioned to seek peace of mind without,
changing the paint on the house while neglecting the inner arrangement
but I'm not finding peace there, so I go within again and again.

Monday, January 5, 2015

I am getting settled into a routine with work and living. I am out of what I would consider my natural element though I am learning that I can adjust to anything.
Everything is in a constant state of flux, the surprises are never ending, consciousness is moldable, reality is not static, perception is everything, and mine shifts constantly.
I keep surprising myself; what I would have once considered the scariest things are just another segment of my day. I still feel anxiety but I usually don't let it take over.

I am dealing with things that I kept shoved down in my subconscious mind and proceeding to become more and more free and less and less scared. I had a habit of being afraid of my emotions but now when I turn to face them they're often nothing more than shadows and I can't help but laugh at the fact that I've been hiding from them for so long.
I'm capable of whatever I need to do, I am not afraid of anyone or even shy anymore for the most part and it's good to know that. Instead of feeling anxious and avoiding situations, I feel anxious and deal with them regardless.
Instead of looking outside of myself for validation that I exist I'm going deeper within.
I'm getting to know my family members in a new way since I'm new. Today was beautiful and warm, I sit in the sun every day and I'm really thankful I have this place to figure my shit out. It's all temporary and we're all just walking each other home.