lately

I have 2 jobs, with one day off during the week. January, February, and March are an insanely busy time for Phoenix, and every night at work is crazy busy. The hotel has 166 rooms, there is almost always someone asking for something and the phone is always ringing. The place is managed horribly and nobody cares, so naturally, paying customers get irritated or pissed off often.

Since I work the evening shift, I never have a manager here with me, so any mistake or problem (such as someone's room being cancelled due to an invalid credit card, etc) I get the privilege of taking the heat for all of it. I am the face of the business they have a huge problem with, and there is no shortage of problems, constantly.

The first month or two here I was able to maintain a very calm demeanor, grateful for this opportunity to make money I need for travelling. For the most part I still stay calm, but it's been really stressing me the fuck out the past few days to the point where I've been dreading going to work, and having a hard time staying nice when people are bitching at me, and almost feel like I'm gong to pass out from stress at least once per shift. Last night I almost broke down crying immediately after exiting the building.

Today while at work I had a bit of an epiphany. It hit me that I have been taking life in general (and consequently this job) way too seriously lately. Nothing is that big of a deal, and this is a giant cosmic play unfolding before me.

I've been telling myself it's all temporary, don't take people's frustration personally, it's all for a good cause of accomplishing dreams, it's teaching me patience, etc etc, but all of that started sounding empty and wasn't helping and I still resented what I'm doing. Suddenly I snapped out of it and suddenly it's easy again and I can enjoy my interactions with people and being here. I don't know what made that occur but I'm grateful. And I always seem to forget that when things get crazy, there's some contrast soon to come.